American Gothic redux

Since we find ourselves on what I'll generously refer to as a “gentlemans farm,” I guess it's time to report on our farming activities.

There are none.

We have no animals – no pigs, no goats, no cows, and, much to the chagrin of the children, no chickens. In fact, since the untimely demise of the beloved family dog last November, we have no domestic animals not of the species homo sapiens. We have done some limited gardening but, to date, even those activities have been fairly limited. To be fair, much of that is due to the weather rather than our will to plant, and this week saw us plant six vines which will someday be expected to result in wine grapes and a single cabbage, now tweeting as @BonnieCabbage.

No, what we have done is start the process of cleaning out the various garden beds, sweeping the driveway, and just generally straightening up the place. And here's the remarkable part – I've actually enjoyed it. I've enjoyed the slow process of sweeping up and clearing around the edging along the driveway. I've enjoyed dumping all of the leaves and other lawn detritus in a big pile off in the woods, and seeing the pile grow as the driveway and yard looked better and better.

As former city folk, our supply of outdoor tools is limited, and more suited to a smaller property (to say the very least). While the spade we found in the barn was pretty useful, the aging wheelbarrow with the flat, decomposing tire was not. That said, other than a better wheelbarrow, I've enjoyed using decidedly low-tech tools to get the job done. In fact, I do have a leaf blower given to me by my dad when we moved here, and I have yet to use it.

No, I figure the best way to work this property – for now at least – is by hand. I need the exercise and the fresh air, the walk to the barn and to the leaf pile, and even the blisters. At some point, I'll no doubt pull out the leaf blower, or succumb to the siren call of the many mechanized yard implements at Lowe's. Hopefully, when that time comes, it will be because I've moved on to other, bigger projects.

 

Room to grow

We've made a lot of adjustments in the past four months or so since our move from city to the country, and we're nowhere near done yet. A big part of this move is opening up new possibilities, since we now have a lot more room to play with, both in a and around the house. Instead of trying to figure out where I can cram something in to our lovely but relatively small house, I now find myself struggling to decide where the best place is out of a large number of choices.

For example, the bikes are now in a stall in the barn, which is a godsend for a father used to schlepping them down stairs each and every time the kids have wanted to ride. The soccer net, which we never could have stored in the old house, is also in the barn because that's where it fits. Other things, however, aren't so clear, so I often find myself standing in the driveway trying to figure out which of three or four places now houses the push broom or the rake or some other not-quite household object. My tools, on the other hand, are still officially homeless, because I haven't decided quite where to put them (and because I haven't figured out how to get my workbench out of the basement in the old house).

I figure by the time we're ready to move I'll have found a home for just about everything.

 

A Little Birdie Told Me

A bird flew into my window and died today. It was startling. I was in the family room, heard the “thwack” at the window and saw the bird go down. It just laid there on the ground for a bit. And for some reason, it really freaked me out.

I thought about it for awhile and realized why it was bothering me. That little bird could see where it was going. Only things weren’t what they seemed at all. It hadn’t counted on the window. And that, of course, was its fatal mistake.

Life’s a little bit like that for all of us at times. We think we have it figured out and then, well, we don’t.

But that shouldn’t stop us from going new places, trying new things, chasing new opportunities.

It can be scary. It can also mean great things.

And that’s what we’ve done recently. New, potentially scary things. We relocated our business. We put our house on the market and moved to a completely new space. It was time.

Our friends thought we were crazy. And maybe they’re right. But it sure will be fun figuring it out.

Is this thing on?

Two months. I should be shot. But there’s been so much going on that it’s been tough to find time to write about the stuff that’s going on. Lame, I know.

So let me catch you up…

Dad still has cancer. Mr. Erb is still in the hospital (he did get out but now he’s back). The kids are still crazy. And it’s Africa hot here in Philadelphia.

That’s a pretty good summary.

But there’s some awesome stuff that’s happening, too.

I am happily at Forbes now. It has been terrific and I have found my tax writing groove again.

I may also have an agent. There’s some interest in my tax book so my next project is to plug away at making it presentable. Fingers crossed.

I’m still running, just not as much, since the weather has been so dreadfully hot. I’m signed up for a half marathon in October. Clearly, I have lost not only some weight but my mind as well. Depending on the day, my pace is decent. I’m coming in most of the time between 9 minutes and 9-1/2 minutes per mile, which is just great for me.

Lyle has been trying to reconcile himself to the fact that he’s no longer two years old. The heat has been terrible and being a black lab in the summer isn’t terribly pleasant, I guess. Lots of panting and drinking water. And trying to attack the cable man. But I digress.

The kids have been in various camps all summer but that’s coming to an end shortly. Our travel schedule picks up in August. Usually, I dread the back and forth but I am really excited about it this time. I need a change of venue.

The coolest thing about travel as of late has been getting to see my older brother. Without dwelling, I’ll just say that he had a period of time when he wasn’t as brotherly as he is now. It is great to have most of the family back together.

I’ve been working and traveling and baking and writing and gardening and doing so many things this summer, most of which I have thoroughly enjoyed. It has helped to pull me out of a fairly deep funk. And now, de-funkified, I promise that I will be better about sharing.

By Popular Request

I’ve been asked to share my running list again (really?). So here it is, as organized for the Broad Street Run:

1. Always – Blink 182
2. Back in Black – AC/DC
3. I Will Follow – U2
4. Check Yes Juliet – We the Kings
5. Crazy Train – Ozzy
6. New Classic – Drew Seeley
7. Eye of the Tiger – Survivor
8. The Saints are Coming – U2 and Green Day
9. Come With Me – Diddy
10. It’s On – Demi Lovato
11. Mercy – Duffy
12. Ray of Light – Madonna
13. Lose Yourself – Eminem
14. Closer to the Edge – 30 Seconds to Mars
15. All I Do Is Win – DJ Khaled
16. Rolling in the Deep – Adele
17. Forget You – CeeLo Green
18. Under the Pressure – Queen and Bowie
19. We Made You – Eminem
20. Thriller/Heads Will Roll – Glee
21. Go West – Pet Shop Boys
22. Tell Me – Diddy and Christina
23. Raise Your Glass – Pink
24. Runnin’ Down a Dream – Tom Petty
25. Holding Out for a Hero – Bonnie Tyler
26. Rocky Theme
27. All Fired Up – Pat Benatar
28. Fighter – Christina Aguilera
29. Break the Ice – Britney Spears
30. Till I Collapse – Eminem
31. Beat It – Fall Out Boy
32. Don’t Stop Believin’ – Journey
33. The Final Countdown – Europe
34. I Love this Town – Bon Jovi

Because It Shouldn’t Be All About Me

I haven’t been a good mom lately.

That’s not an opening for you to insert some kind of platitude about how it’s not true. I’m not looking for any kind of affirmation here about my parenting. It’s just the honest truth.

You see, I’m tired. There’s been so much going on, inside my head and outside in the big world, that I haven’t been all that attentive or thoughtful or hell, even considerate, towards my kids. In a word or two, I suck.

I completely get that some of it is justifiable. I’ve been lobbying against budget cuts, meeting with politicians, teaching CLEs, working, speaking for Career Day and for Law Day, baking cupcakes for school parties and Staff Appreciation Day… It’s all good stuff. And I think those things need and deserve some of my attention. But it’s not snuggling on the sofa with my kids. Or baking them cookies. Or chatting with them.

I got this today, in the deepest part of my gut, when I dropped the girls off at school. I was looking for the Fox News van (they were supposed to talk to some parents about the budget cuts) and didn’t even notice what the girls did. Eventually, I saw that Amy had run off to play with her friends, she’s social like that. And then I saw Katie by herself, looking a bit lost. I wandered over and asked her why she wasn’t playing with her friends B and C. She shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t know, I just don’t want to.” And it hit me: I didn’t know either. I had not really asked her all week how she was. I hadn’t rubbed her back or put her hair in a ponytail. I had not asked her what kind of sandwich she wanted for lunch or how her awards day went (that I missed). I just rushed around her.

And I rushed around Ames and I rushed around Charlie.

I was completely and ridiculously selfish all week.

Again, not looking for sympathy. Please don’t comment that it’s all okay, that these things happen. I know they do. But they shouldn’t. When I had my kids, it was supposed to stop being all about me. And today, I remembered that.

So Honestly

My whole life, I’ve been given conflicting messages. I’m sure you have, too.

On the one hand, we’re told to be honest, to tell the truth.

On the other hand, we’re told to be nice and not to hurt anyone’s feelings.

These two things are not necessarily compatible.

Yes, I know that there are ways to use judgment to make it work. You don’t have to be brutally honest to the point of driving someone to tears (the ol’ “that dress makes you look ENORMOUS, what were you thinking?” level of honesty) nor do you have to volunteer information that might not be necessary (the “I wouldn’t have gotten that haircut if I were you” train of thought).

But there’s also that sort of corner that you get backed into every now and again when you want to speak up but you’re worried about hurting feelings. Do you say anything?

I did recently. And I felt immediately terrible afterwards. But later, when I was thinking about it more, I wondered whether the alternative would have been any better. Keeping quiet really would have been the same as lying. I was clearly expected to be sweet in order to soothe someone else’s conscience and I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Sigh.

It’s a tough balancing act, trying to be honest with yourself and still be nice to others. I don’t want to be a mean girl. But I also don’t wish to be that girl who gets used to further someone else’s agenda at my own expense.

So what do you do?